I Never
by Tyler AM
Summary: On Castle's birthday, Castle, Beckett, Esposito, Lanie, Ryan and Jenny decide to play a drinking game! Here's what ensues...


**This ended up being a bit longer than I expected but I was just having too much fun! Little bit of our fabulous six when they have too much alcohol! **

**To my amazing Old Haunt buddies who gave me some great "I never" ideas and for reading for all my typos! You ladies are the best!**

_Disclaimer - ah if I DID own them/work on the show I seriously doubt they would let me write this...don't you?!_

* * *

The festivities of the evening finally begin to calm down. The last stragglers utter "good-bye" and "Happy Birthday, Castle" as he genially attempts to shove the last partygoers out the front door of The Old Haunt so he can have some time alone with his friends. As much as he loves being the center of attention (oh boy does he, especially on his birthday – I mean what better day is there for a birthday than April Fool's day? There is none!) but after four hours of schmoozing, he is ready for a break.

The last couple exits the bar and Castle closes and locks the door behind them. Martha, Alexis and Jim all left about 30 minutes ago. Gina, Paula and a contingent of Black Pawn executives and friends from the company left about an hour before that. Even Victoria Gates and her husband had shown up to join in the merriment…the captain of the 12th precinct even assisting Martha, Alexis and Jim in playing a practical joke on Castle that he would not be forgetting any time soon (seriously, wasn't three fourths of that group too old to be super gluing stuff as a joke?).

He turns back to the messy room and sighs as Kate walks up to him and slides her arms easily around his waist.

"We should clean."

"No, leave it. I'll call a cleaning service and get them in here first thing in the morning before the place opens. It'll be spotless by lunch."

"So, were you surprised, Castle?" The laughing voice of Kevin Ryan questions from a booth to Castle's left.

"I was actually…but only because Kate and Lanie are actually able to bluff and misdirect. For detectives – you and Javier kind of suck at it."

"Hey now!" Javier Esposito chimes in from his spot in the booth next to his partner. "We are ALL about the stealth…"

"The coy…"

"The misdirection…"

"We are ninjas."

"Yeah we are!" The partners share a fist bump of pride that causes Kate to look at Castle and roll her eyes.

"Yes, yes you are the kings of detecting and the crap-shoots of surprise parties."

"Oh come on, girl! You're supposed to be on our side!"

"Your side? Oh, Javi!" Lanie exclaims with a slightly exaggerated sigh. "If you two had any portion of a leg to stand on with that claim I would be, baby…but you're on your own." She pats his cheek with a bit too much force and turns from Javier toward where Castle and Kate stand – Kate's arms still linked around Castle's waist as she stands at his side. His arm comes up to rest around her shoulders as she lets her head fall to rest lightly on his shoulder. She hums just loud enough that only he can hear. Without looking at her, he knows she is smiling. It will be that shy, barely there upturn of the corners of her lips that tells him she is at rest, content to live in the moment as long as she can.

"So, Rick…only two more hours left of your birthday. What do you want to do?" Jenny Ryan's sweet voice lilts over the group and rests in his ears. Five pairs of eyes turn to him.

"I think I have the perfect idea!"

~~XX~~

Ten minutes later the group of six sits in the basement of The Old Haunt around a poker table set in the middle of Castle's office. A shot glass sits in front of each person. In the center rests four bottles each of tequila and vodka.

"Castle…care to explain this so-called 'perfect idea' of yours?" Kate asks, obvious skepticism leaking into her voice.

"I never." Castle responds with a flourish as he puffs up his chest – feeling very clever and proud of himself. The blank stares that meet him from the others cause his shoulders to sag. "I never…" Silence. "It's a drinking game!" He exclaims. "One by one we go around the table. Each person says an 'I never' statement and if you HAVE done that thing – you take a shot. Easy peasy."

"Yeah, I think we all know how it's played, bro."

"I believe the blank stares you see are in response to you wanting to play a high school, actually let's be generous here, college drinking game," Kate chimes in. "We might as well be playing 'truth or dare' or 'spin the bottle'!"

"Well, we always could…" Castle says as he turns toward his girlfriend with a characteristic leer on his face that she KNOWS means he is picturing her naked at this very second. She raises her hand to cover his face and stop the advance of his upper body into her personal space.

"Don't even think about it, writer boy!"

"Man, detective. Writer man!" Castle counters as he grabs her hand from his face and moves to place their joined hands in his lap. Kate adjusts their hands before he can get that far so that the flat of her palm rests hotly on his upper thigh – warming his skin through the fabric of his slacks. Castle raises his eyebrows toward her.

"Man…" Kate practically purrs at him, her voice low and seductive.

"Ok, if this is how this night is going to go - I'm out! I don't need to see mom and dad leering at and groping each other…" Ryan shouts from his chair.

"And that's even before the alcohol has really started flowing…do we want to know what'll happen once they get drunk?" Esposito finishes.

"Oh, shut it, Javi!" Kate exclaims as she levels her glaring eyes on him, but still shifts her hand slightly further down Castle's thigh making him grunt in disapproval.

"Hey, just speaking the truth…"

"It's why we can't read Nikki Heat…" Ryan continues. "It's like reading about your parents having sex."

"Only much hotter…" Lanie's voice slips into the silence after Ryan's statement. She looks up with wide eyes at the five people sitting around staring at her. "Did I just say that out loud?"

"Yes. Yes you did…" Castle says with a coy smile on his lips.

"Ok, let's just play the dang game for the birthday boy!" Jenny interjects.

"Alright."

"Fine…"

"Let's do it."

"Ugh…sure…"

"YES!" Castle exclaims. "Ok. I'll start. Um…let's see…I never...lied about something to purposefully get someone else into trouble." The group eyes each other as Kevin and Jennifer Ryan both raise their shot glasses to their lips and throw their heads back draining the liquid. The other four laugh at the pinched looks on their faces as the alcohol burns down their throats. "Ok now I want explanations…!"

"Nu uh…not part of the game, Castle!"

"Oh come on!"

"It's called siblings! Let's just leave it at that! Next!" Jenny smiles and looks to Castle's left where Kate sits.

"Oh geez…how about…I never pierced anything aside from my ears." Eyes flick around to each other across the table as both Lanie and Esposito reach out for their shot glasses and down them.

"I don't even want to know!" Ryan exclaims trying not to look at his partner while leveling a glare at Castle before the writer is able to ask for details.

"NEXT!" Castle exclaims, eyes bright with excitement as he stares at Jenny.

"I never had pictures of celebrities on the walls of my bedroom growing up." Jenny sits back with her arms crossed over her chest as four hands reach for their shot glasses: Lanie, Esposito, Ryan and then Kate all down their shots at once. Castle looks at his girlfriend with wide eyes as she lowers the glass to the table.

"Shut up…"

"Uh uh…not gonna happen…who was it, Kate?"

"Not telling, Castle!"

"It was Zack Morris, wasn't it?"

"Uh…no…" She stutters.

"IT WAS!" Castle screams with much too high a pitch to his voice.

"It was not."

"Really, then why are you blushing?"

"I'm not blushing…"

"Your cheeks are all red."

"I'm hot…"

"Well, yes you are, but that is beside the point – you had a poster of Zack Morris in your bedroom!"

"Moving on…Ryan, your turn!" Kate spits out as she eyes Ryan who has a much too satisfied grin on his face after watching that exchange. "Before I shoot you…"

"Sure, sure, boss. I never…talked my way out of a speeding ticket."

"So does that mean you got the ticket?"

"NO! It doesn't, Castle!"

"Sure…" Castle says non-committal and raises his shot glass to his lips along with Kate, Jenny and Lanie. Once finished they all fix Esposito with matching questioning looks.

"What?"

"I know how you drive, Javi. You cannot tell me you never got pulled over for a speeding ticket." Lanie says.

"Oh I've gotten pulled over…"

"If you didn't get the ticket then you have to drink!" Kate says pointing at the full shot glass in front of him.

"Who says there was talking involved?" A chorus of "oh, no" and "geez, Javi" follow his pronouncement as Ryan looks at his partner signaling his turn.

"I never tattooed any part of my body that is covered with underwear on." All eyes fall on Kate as she alone raises her shot glass to her lips and drains the vodka from it.

"Lanie!" Kate chokes out before the look on Castle's face forces her to drag him from the room and have her way with him.

"I never stood in line for more than an hour to have a book signed." If looks could kill Lanie would drop dead from the glare Kate levels at her as she raises her glass to her lips once again and drains it. She coughs slightly when she notices both Castle and Ryan raise their glasses to their lips and throw their heads back. Once his eyes open again, Castle turns toward Kate.

"Not part of the game, Castle."

"You have to tell me…"

"No I don't."

"You're sleeping with the man and you haven't TOLD HIM!" Lanie exclaims, her voice a bit louder than normal Kate notes.

"Shut UP, Lanie!"

"Girl…"

"Told me what?" Castle says as his eyes go wide with comprehension. "Wait…oh…OH! You stood in line for over an hour to have one of MY books signed, didn't you?" When she looks over at him with that red flush to her cheeks, Castle gets his answer. "OH this is just too good! Kate Beckett I knew you were a fan…but that is just…"

"Just something we'll discuss later…" She retorts. "In private." Castle raises his eyebrows at her as Kate leans in to quickly claim his mouth with a kiss tasting the lingering tequila on his lips.

"After that Castle, now you and Ryan have to spill…" Lanie questions.

"Stephen King!" Castle says like it is the most obvious explanation in the world. All eyes turn to Ryan and he shirks back from their gazes.

"Come on, dude." Esposito encourages.

"Not part of the game, bro."

"Jenny…" Castle says as he leans toward the petite blonde. Ryan sputters and shakes his head at her with narrowed eyes. "Come on, Jenny…we know you know…"

"Just tell them, Kev."

"No."

"It's not that bad." She reasons with her husband as he drops his gaze.

"Stephenie Meyer." The room dissolves into a cacophony of booing, hissing and laughter. "It was for my niece!"

~~XX~~

After the third pass around the table, each of its occupants is feeling the effects the alcohol is having on their gathering – the evening becoming funnier and dirtier the longer they continue playing the game.

"Ok, next…" Lanie says, her eyes glazing over from the excessive vodka shots.

"Maybe we should stop while we're all still coherent." Ryan says as his wife chokes out a laugh at something Kate whispers in her ear.

"Oh come on, Kev, where's your sense of adventure! We can take cabs home!" Kate says with a smile toward her boyfriend who is grinning at her like an idiot. "Besides, we still have half an hour until midnight…"

"And we ALL agreed to stay until Castle's birthday is officially over, remember?" Lanie reminds him.

"Yes, I remember…"

"What are you afraid of, Kevin? Are you a chatty drunk?" Castle asks.

"Oh no, he's actually a really lovey drunk…gets pretty handsy." Jenny says with a giggle.

"And on that note…Castle! Your turn!" Kate exclaims. She turns toward him and can practically see the wheels in his head turning. After a moment more of silence, a wicked grin spouts on his face and he speaks:

"I never slept with anyone at this table aside from my significant other." His gaze shifts around the five other people at the table. In the heated air both Kate and Esposito reach for their glasses and down the liquid.

"I KNEW IT!" Castle exclaims with a fist pump in the air.

"WHAT?" Ryan squeaks out looking rapidly from Kate to Esposito and back again with wide eyes.

"Are you serious?" Jenny says leaning toward Kate.

"How in the hell did you know that?" Kate says with a cough as she turns toward Castle.

"Just a vibe I got…"

"A vibe?"

"Yeah…when we all first started working together, stupid comments Espo would make had an 'I've seen you naked' vibe to them."

"I'm amazed it took you this long to say anything." Lanie says to Castle with amazement evident in her tone.

"Yeah well, once we were together it honestly didn't cross my mind…"

"How…when…what?" Ryan sputters still looking completely crestfallen.

"It was a long time ago, Ryan."

"But…"

"About a year and half before you transferred to the 12th, bro."

"I'm kind of curious about the details, myself." Castle says eying Kate.

"Hard case, too little sleep and too much alcohol…not a winning combination…"

"Tends to augment the stupid."

"Here, here!" Kate concurs and they both laugh.

"Moving on!" Lanie shouts over the laughter.

"Alrighty, writer boy. Just for that…I never used a badge – or supposed celebrity status – to get a woman into bed."

"And damn proud of it!" Esposito says.

"You slay me, detective…supposed celebrity status?"

"You're supposed to be doing a shot of tequila right now." Kate deadpans.

"I kind of hate you right now…" Castle retorts.

"DRINK UP, BOYS!" Lanie says as Castle, Ryan and Esposito each raise their glasses to the middle of the table in toast and then toss back their shots.

"I never got groped in an elevator." Jenny says through her laughter.

"You did that on purpose." Ryan growls to his wife as he and Castle reach for their glasses. Jenny and Kate try desperately to contain the smiles on their faces.

"Don't work 48 hours straight and then look all gorgeously disheveled when I come to pick you up to make sure you get home in one piece and then you won't get groped in the elevator!"

"Fine…"

"Fine! Your turn, babe."

"I never fantasized about a co-worker."

"OK this game isn't fun anymore…" Jenny says as she glares at her husband.

"Drink up, babe!" Ryan says as Jenny raises the shot to her pink lips.

"By co-worker…"

"Yes, your Nikki Heat fantasies about Beckett count…"

"Damn." Castle says as he and Kate both shoot tequila. Castle looks to his left as Kate's glass hits the felt of the poker table and she laughs.

"Apparently, you count as a co-worker…" She shrugs her shoulders as he leans into her and places a sloppy kiss on her lips. "Espo!"

"I never kissed someone of the same sex." In unison Lanie, Jenny, Kate and Castle all lift their shots.

"WHAT?" Espo and Ryan shout together looking at the other four at the table.

"College…" Lanie says with a shrug and a smile.

"All girl catholic high school…"

"Sorority party and too much alcohol…"

"I thought Stanford had higher standards?" Espo says mockingly.

"It does…they only had really high brow vodka that night!" Kate says with a wink as all eyes turn toward Castle.

"Lanie's next I think."

"Oh no. You've been asking for details of ALL our admissions all night…you're night getting out that easy!" Lanie says as she leans forward placing her arms on the table.

"Come on, Castle. Only fair." Kate sing-songs next to him with her eyebrows raised. He sighs and rolls his eyes.

"My first European book tour…"

"More than that, writer boy."

"Ugh…fine…" He sputters as his voice begins to rise, "Fan got a bit overzealous and I tried to move my head and ended up getting his lips…alright! Satisfied?" He looks around the table in consternation as the other occupants burst out laughing.

"Ah, it's nice to know it's not just your women fans that are trying to get in your pants." Kate says through her laughter.

"Moving along…"

"Fine! I never…slept with someone while imagining it was someone else." With raised eyebrows the group watches as Jenny, Beckett and Castle raise their glasses.

"Details!" Lanie demands.

"Ugh I don't remember his name…that pick up artist guy."

"Gina." "Josh." Castle and Beckett say in unison. Beckett bites her bottom lip with her teeth as Castle coughs slightly.

"I never had dirty thoughts about a boss."

"Oh that is SO not true!" Kate exclaims.

"Yes it is!"

"Oh really…?"

"Really."

"Isn't Gina considered your boss?"

"Uh…um…no…"

"Liar!"

"She isn't!"

"She's just the one who reams you out when you don't meet your deadlines and coordinates your professional life with your agents?"

"Yes…" Castle says slowly.

"That's a boss! Shot, Castle!" He sighs heavily as he raises his glass and notices Ryan and Lanie following suite.

"Um, I'm sorry," he sputters after swallowing, letting his eyes flick from Ryan to Lanie and back again.

"My attending my fourth year of med school. Mmmm baby was he smokin…all chiseled good looks and dark eyes and perfect skin…" Kate and Castle both suppress laughing at the glare Esposito levels at her. All eyes turn to Ryan and his eyes go wide.

"Do we even want to know?" Esposito asks.

"My lieutenant when I first got out of the academy working Narcotics ok!" He spits out.

"My turn!" Jenny laughs, "I never…oh…I never had an orgasm off of just someone's mouth." With red faces both Castle and Beckett raise their glasses as Jenny and Lanie burst out laughing.

"That is more than I ever needed to know about Castle and Beckett's sex life." Ryan says as he closes his eyes and shakes his head.

"That is the LAST TIME we drink on girl's night!" Kate says with a slight slur.

"Hold ON!" Castle says, leveling wide eyes on his girlfriend. "You talk about that kind of stuff together?"

"Oh, hell yeah…" Kate says.

"And bravo, Castle!" Lanie says with a wink as she raises her glass to him.

"What…uh…" He stutters. He turns to Kate who is grinning seductively at him.

"Ryan…your turn." Kate says as she turns back to the group.

"God, I'll never be able to get that mental picture out of my head…"

"RYAN!"

What?" He startles and looks up. "Oh, right…um…I never got turned on by a suspect." Esposito and Castle both glare at him as they raise their glasses.

"I never got it on with people in the next room."

"How did this game devolve so quickly?" Jenny asks as she, Ryan, Kate and Castle all down shots.

"It's almost midnight so last one, Lanie!" Kate exclaims, "You'd better make it good!"

"How about one I know we'll ALL have to do a shot for?"

"Oh please, like what?" Esposito asks with a huff.

"I never tried out new positions from the Kama Sutra." Lanie says with a knowing smile as she turns toward him, handing him the shot glass. "All together now!" She says with a laugh and as one they raise their glasses.

~~XX~~

Thirty minutes later after drunken goodbyes punctuated with hugs, back slaps and kisses planted on red tinged cheeks, Castle and Kate stumble into the stillness of the loft. Her hands run heatedly over his chest as she reaches for the buttons on his shirt. His hands run down her arms, stopping at her elbows. His hands drop to his sides as she finishes off the buttons and pushes the garment down his arms letting it fall to the floor.

When they reach the wall to his study he pushes her against the bookshelf and claims her mouth roughly with his own, the sound of hard covered books falling punctuate the moans that fall from their gasping mouths. He bends down to press his hands under her thighs and lifts. Kate's legs wrap around his waist as his mouth laves a wet trail down the line of her throat and his hands run up the smooth skin of her thighs. He pushes the hem of her dress up higher and higher as her head falls back into the bookshelf, his name falling from her lips on a sigh.

He groans into her neck when his hands move high enough under her dress and she grins.

"Something wrong, Castle?"

"You weren't wearing underwear all fucking night?"

"Happy Birthday!" She bites her lip and her smile grows wider. Her eyes darken as his hips thrust and she feels how hard he is for her.

"That my present, Kate?"

"Part of it…"

"What's the other part?"

"The Rowing Boat," Castle groans as his lips trail down her neck, his tongue sneaking out to lick at the soft skin at the dip in her collarbone. "The Crouching Tiger," she tightens her legs around him, "The Lotus Blossom…" Castle wraps his arms around her waist and moves back from the wall moving quickly toward his bedroom. When his knees hit the mattress he topples them onto the bed, catching himself with a hand before his full weight lands on top of her. She rises up and whispers in his ear, "And if you're a really good boy, The Waterfall." Castle groans in her ear and scrapes his teeth along her jaw.

"Happy birthday to me."

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The Kate/Espo thing is totally my OWN head-cannon...if you don't agree with it - that is your prerogative as we all can read different things into the character's interactions...so thanks so much for taking the time to read but if that's your ONLY gripe please keep it to yourself...


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